When thinking about my personal opinions, fears and assertions I think of self-confidence. Growing up I had a very low-self esteem. There were a lot of factors that contributed to my lack of self-confidence, and when thinking about a self-evaluation of myself that is one of the biggest things I had to develop in my life.
In my family I grew up with my sister who was born in the same year as me, so we did everything together. When my sister and I were kids we never attended the same school because she was classified as a “gifted” student, meaning she was smart. Knowing that my sister had this gift made me feel that I was not smart, and this was one of the factors to why I had low self-esteem. Once I got to high school my sister finally went to the same school as me. At this point in my life I established myself better as to who I am. I liked getting involved with the school so I did student council and cheerleading. This of course helped my self-esteem and made me feel I can do whatever I put my mind too. Once my sister came to my school I started to get the fear that our peers and teachers would start to compare my sister and I. My sister is the complete opposite of me, she is loud, outspoken and does not care what people think of her. I on the other hand am more reserved, quiet, and care if someone does judge me. In high school we did have people that would compare us. This made me feel that my sister was better and prettier, and also at that age her and I got into arguments almost twenty-four seven. When we would fight she would tease me and use strong words that would put me down. It got to the point where I believed the words she would say to me like, “I am stupid” or “I am ugly”. Once again, my self-esteem was lowered.
Now as a young adult my sister and I are more mature, and we both love and accept each other for how different we are, which makes us very unique from one another. Going through a hard time with my self-esteem was not only from the impacts of my sister though. With looking at the diversity wheel in the Allison and Schneider book, I classify myself under the category of age and religion.
Age and religion have made a big impact on my life as well. With my age I always was called the “baby” of my grade in school. I have a late birthday and my mom did not want to hold me back a year. Since I was not held back, all my life I have people who judge me by my age because they think I am so young. I always tell people it is not about my age, if you get to know me and talk with me you would not even think that I was younger. I have run into a lot of situations where people disregard me because I tell them how old I am. I love embracing my age now because all my friends are older than me and it makes me feel young and ageless.
Lastly, religion is a big part of my family’s values. My religion is Judaism and it is something that is very important to me. I realized, as I got older I was always hesitant to answer the question, “what is your religion?” I always hear people make jokes about Jewish people and I wouldn’t say that I was offended, so I wouldn’t say anything at all letting them know I am Jewish. I didn’t want people judging me based on my religion because I want people to see that just because I am Jewish, it does not make me any different from other people’s religious views. A problem I am still working on today is to not be ashamed of my religion and the history that it has. My religion is also my culture and I cannot let that not be apart of my life. Everyday I am growing and learning new things about me. It is definitely not an overnight process, but so far with having this course I am able to evaluate and be more aware of the person I am.
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